This blog centers around my various identities, and one of these controversial identities that I don’t always talk about is my choice to be childfree.
When I identify myself as Childfree, I often feel worried that I’m going to get judged, that its wrong for me to talk about this, but I feel like it’s society’s last frontier when it comes to rights and identities. It’s such a taboo to talk about, and it really shouldn’t be.
My husband and I have made a choice to never have children. It’s a choice we made for our lives because we couldn’t see ourselves as parents and because our life path doesn’t include children. Of all the freedoms we, and as women, in particular, enjoy, shouldn’t the decision to have children or not be one of those choices?
Modern feminism seems to have this one flaw. Society telling women that we can be all that we can be, we should strive to be independent, that we can have control over our bodies, we can delay parenthood, we don’t have to get married, however… as long as at some point in our lives we choose to have children. If we don’t we’re labeled as selfish, “not real women,” don’t know true love, etc.
I’m lucky in that my family and friends understand my decision. I come from a family dominated by strong independent women, and they’ve never questioned my choices. They fully support my choices. I know I am luckier than most women. I’ve heard so many horror stories of women and girls who have been shunned from their families, called names, labeled terrible monsters, etc.
Why is the decision to become parents so controversial? Maybe its an essential exercise in learning to accept people’s differences. If we genuinely want to move into an age where people can celebrate their individuality, their freedoms, their choices, this is one more hurdle we need to move past as a society. We are all individuals, and the decision to bring new life into the world needs to be a choice, not an obligation. After all, don’t children deserve to be wanted and not resented?